This morning, as I thought about the aversion to meaningful/lasting relationships, the following two verses of Scripture came into alignment for me:
“Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.” Mark 10:15 KJV
“Moreover your little ones, which ye said should be a prey, and your children, which in that day had no knowledge between good and evil, they shall go in thither, and unto them will I give it, and they shall possess it.” Deuteronomy 1:39 KJV
This verse from Deuteronomy pretty well nails the problem – “… knowledge between good and evil.”
Let’s call it “childhood wounding.” It seems that it is happening at a younger and young age as we see the end of the age approaching. There is all kinds of child abuse, all of it in the context of relationship. We hardly need to go into the details to make our point here. For the present it is enough to say that “wounded” and “offended” people are very reluctant to re-engage intimate relationships, whether with those who have hurt them in the past or those who are likely to hurt them in the future.
The Kingdom of God is all about relationship(s). If we cant get past our wounding, our offendedness, our “…knowledge of good and evil,” we are just not going to enter in. This is the conversation I would like to have here for the next few weeks – months.
We need to get real about the offenses and the wounding, and discover how to move beyond all that. Otherwise the best we are able to do, where “entering in” is concerned, is some kind of Christianized religious white wash.
Love!
For more reading on this subject, see The First Commandment With Promise
Loving Like God 
The key to healing and growth for me at least, has been in accepting the truth of Romans 8:28 “… ALL things work together for good …”, even wounds. Taking inventory of the good from healing a wound can even turn the spirit from bitterness to thanksgiving and make forgiving the one who inflicted the wound a sincere and heartfelt blessing.
“For the present it is enough to say that “wounded” and “offended” people are very reluctant to re-engage intimate relationships, whether with those who have hurt them in the past or those who are likely to hurt them in the future.”
Perhaps it partly depends on what a person’s interpretation of ‘intimacy’ is. We all have filters. Someone whose filter has been affected by abuse will have a very different picture of intimacy from someone who has never been abused. I was having a long conversation about this very subject with my husband and daughter this afternoon. My daughter was saying that it’s important to keep hold of hope that the relationships can be healed again and do be pro-active in seeking relationship again with those from whom we have been hurt. My husband was saying that there is no rule here, and that we must be dependent on the Holy Spirit’s leading. I remember something Wayne Jacobsen said – we can certainly forgive those who have abused us, but it doesn’t mean we have to open the door to further abuse. We need wisdom.
At the same time, thesonsarefree is so right – thanking the Lord in the spirit of Romans 8:28 for everything He in His wisdom has allowed to happen is key to healing. I also have to consciously come to the Lord and say that I cannot change my heart – only He can do that. I cannot stop feeling the pain of the wounding – only He can change the way I see it. I had a bad moment today about a situation in my life and I had to ask myself, ‘Who do I put first? Who do I choose first? Jesus, or myself? Will I admit that I have a problem trusting Him and that He knows the way that I take – He knows what is going to happen and He knows the path to healing, even if it takes me down ways I find hard?’
“The Kingdom of God is all about relationships”. To me, if I’ve had revelation that this is true, and that Kingdom relationships are the most important thing that I’m here to learn, then the ongoing focus is on how to let this happen. In the Kingdom, how the Father, Son and Holy Spirit do relationship is much different from how any of us learn to do relationship in this world. Allowing the way we’ve learned in the world to die and be replaced by how Christ works in and thru us (as He is in perfect harmony) is really our only hope for true intimacy in the Kingdom. Jay speaks of the the things that need to die. If I am attached to my woundedness and offendedness – more identified with it than with Christ who does not operate in woundedness and offendedness – then I’m unable to operate in Kingdom relationship, the way the Father, Son and Holy Spirit operate.
Amen, Lisa.
It’s nice to see your name here btw. I read, ‘Not Left Behind’, many years ago, after I got to know Jay online. I think you and I even had contact for a while, over the Koinonia Forum. Blessings. :)
Yes, I was just thinking of you yesterday. I was reading part of what was to be book 2 of Not Left Behind, and remembered that Jay had sent you part of it for your input. I hope all is well with you. I think about the Koinonia forum from time to time, too, and wonder how people are doing. Blessings to you!