To begin with, it’s difficult to take up an offering for a conversation. But that’s not so bad, because lectures and lecturers don’t really lend themselves to the pursuit of truth. Truth is best found in Christ centered conversation, not man centered lectures, because Christ is the TRUTH!
Truth is a threat to lecturers because it tends to mess up their agenda. Once we come to conclusions, the pursuit of TRUTH comes to a grinding halt. At that point we just have a battle of agendas. Conclusions are dead-end streets where the pursuit of Truth is concerned. Eternity is the goal of Truth, and TRUTH is the object of eternity.
“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, (conversation) we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Ephesians 4:14-16 NIV
The first thing we need for such a conversation is:
Love!
P.S. For that we need a revelation of the Cross!
- By Jay Ferris, originally posted April 2012
Loving Like God 
Conversation instead of lecturing is such a challenge in parenting. It seems as if the root of lecturing is judgment, whereas the root of conversation is relationship and love.
There’s this memory I have of my dad who on discovering me or my younger brother messed with his razor, summoned us for an interrogation. We pointed the finger at each other and soon it was just me facing dad. It was uncharacteristic of me to lie, especially to accuse my little brother of something I did and dad wanted to know why. “For once I wanted to see him get in trouble for what I did as payback for all the times I’ve been punished for what he did. Because I’m the older brother that’s always the way it goes for me.” Dad’s countenance toward me changed instantly; he didn’t punish me, but talked with me for several minutes, asking me for examples. My life became easier after that. Years later Dad recalled that conversation because it was then he realized my little brother habitually denied it, feigned anger and stormed out of those sessions – that was his tell. Leaving me holding the bag to face Dad alone, established a pattern – I was the ‘bad kid’ and my younger brother the ‘good kid’. The long term damage was to sew a seed of anger in me for all the times I was unjustly treated. Even today – at 68 – wrongful accusation unleashes a torrent of difficult emotions for me. But it was that event changed my relationship with Dad – as if he stopped looking at me like a misbehaving kid and began to see me as a young man.
“the root of lecturing is judgment, whereas the root of conversation is relationship and love.”
I like that, a lot.
Thank you for sharing the accompanying story. Conversation also involves more than just a single sense. Each party must use ears, and mouth, and hopefully heart.
On the receiving end of lecture or conversation, the difference is in valuation – at least – the feeling of being valued. That’s the change I felt with Dad that day – when he switched gears from an inquisition the object of which was to fix blame and punish, to seeing me as a young man with his own view of events.
One of the more memorable experiences concerning value, involved churches. The pastor who told me about Jesus and led me in prayer to receive Him, was like a 2nd father to me. Dad and Rev. Heart tag-teamed to keep me on the straight and narrow. When a couple of witches in the congregation conspired to drive him away, our family left and joined another church, who a year after we arrived drove their pastor away. He had been instrumental in helping me start a concert ministry. While on a trip to Hawaii – which was a gift from the congregation – the elders called an emergency congregational meeting to discuss church financials, during which they continually referred to members as “giving units”. They put forth a ridiculous proposal to gut the staff, including the pastor, to redirect funds to a multi-purpose building they broke ground on. We were so disgusted by the vote to can the pastor, but keep his wife as secretary, can the music minister’s wife (Sunday school director) but keep her husband as music minister, we resigned our membership. After all, we were just “giving units” and the pastor and education director were just expenses? Line item expenses to be cut while they built an indoor basketball court? Those events were between 1976-1978 – the first of many that began to reveal the nature of man’s church and create the desire in me for relational Christianity – even though I couldn’t have articulated that back then.